At university and during my early years as a cadet journalist, I was taught one golden rule: always ask why.
‘Why’ was the magic word. It sought deeper answers, sparked emotion, and gave you quotes that leapt off the page.
It made stories human. It worked, and for years, I swore by it. Even after leaving the newsroom for the so-called “dark side” of PR, I kept asking why.
But here’s the twist: in recent years, as I’ve facilitated more workshops and creative sessions, I’ve found myself leaning away from why and toward what. And it’s working.
Why, why can backfire?
“Why” sounds innocent, but it can feel like an interrogation. It puts people on the defensive, as if they need to justify themselves. In leadership conversations, HR discussions, or creative brainstorming, that defensiveness shuts down openness.
A good friend and mentor, someone who’s founded and led multiple businesses, once pulled me up gently and said, “Why are you asking such a closed question?” That stuck.
Start with what
Now I’m going to declare early on, I’m still working on this myself. I still slip but here is a guide I’ve created for myself as part of my transition and thought it might help you as well.
Instead of asking:
Why did you do that?
Ask:
What happened when you did that?
Instead of asking:
Why didn’t you do that?
Ask:
What would happen if we tried it this way?
Instead of asking:
Why isn’t the result higher?
Ask:
What would we need to do to improve the result?
Instead of asking:
Ask:
Why did you do that?
Why didn’t you do that?
Why isn’t the result higher?
What happened when you did that?
What would happen if we tried it this way?
What would we need to do to improve the result?
See the difference? “What” opens doors. It invites exploration instead of justification. It moves the conversation forward instead of pinning it down.
The psychology behind it
Research in behavioural science backs this up. “Why” questions trigger rationalisation, they make people explain past behaviour. “What” questions, on the other hand, activate problem-solving and creativity. They shift focus from blame to possibility.
In coaching and design thinking, “what” is a cornerstone. It’s future-focused, constructive, and less emotionally loaded.
How to apply this?
In leadership: Swap “Why didn’t you hit the target?” for “What would help you hit it next time?”
In HR: Replace “Why did you leave your last role?” with “What did you learn from your last role and what were the key reasons for exiting the experience?”
In creative sessions: Instead of “Why isn’t this idea working?” ask “What could make this idea stronger?”
So, here’s my challenge: Next time you’re tempted to ask why, pause.
Flip it. Ask what. Because “why” looks backward, but “what” builds forward.
And if you’re wondering why this matters, well, what would happen if you tried it?
